The "Breaking Point"

When you start your trek into nursing school, you begin to hear a LOT of horror stories. Whether it be on social media or from veteran nursing students at your college, you always hear about "The Breaking Point"; The moment where you cry, feel like quitting, question your decision to pursue nursing, and lack the motivation to do absolutely anything. Everyone has their breaking point in nursing school.

During my first clinical semester, I was lucky enough not to experience this point. Granted, level one was incredibly hard and I wanted to cry on multiple occasions. I was lucky enough never to cry over nursing school or feel like quitting. Although I was in hell, I was pretty content with my experiences.

Everyone has their breaking point in nursing school, and I can attest to this. Allow me to tell you my story from this semester...

Photo retrieved from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/570127634047950531/

If you have not yet heard, Medical-Surgical Nursing is quite possibly hell itself. At GCU, you go from learning the basics, like vital signs, one semester, and then the next you are learning about how to assess, diagnose, care plan, implement interventions, and evaluate different types of heart failure among a hundred other disorders at the same time. It is as if anatomy and physiology, pharmacology, pathophysiology and microbiology (four of the hardest core courses) got together and made a demon child.

I was so naive to think that all of the rumors about Med-Surg could be combated by studying exactly how I have the last 4 semesters. I spent 60-70 hours studying for the first exam and felt on top of the world. I thought I knew the material like the back of my hand. That morning, I did not fear walking into the room and grabbing my exam to sit down.

When the time started, I opened to the first page of the book and I felt my face turn as pale as the paper that I wanted to cry on. I had no idea what the question was even asking. I skipped to the second question to be greeted by the same unfamiliar material. I was so lost that I flipped to the cover of my exam to make sure this was even the right test! About halfway through, I pretty much gave up hope. I have always been one of the first ones done with exams, but this time, I was only halfway through with twenty out of seventy two minutes to go. I began to answer questions faster, only being able to narrow them down to three of four options before guessing. More than frustrated, I turned in my exam without even checking to make sure I bubbled everything in correctly.

As soon as I walked out of the room, tears welled up in my eyes. It took everything in my power not to bawl my eyes out until I got to the bathroom. As soon as I walked through the bathroom door, the tears began to flow faster, and I could not stop sobbing. I was sure that I had gotten around a 30% based on how much I guessed. I thought that it was going to be impossible to bring my test average above a 76%, which is the requirement. I spent a good ten minutes trying to control my crying before I walked back into that room and listened (more or less) to a two hour med-surg lecture.

For the next three days, I hit rock bottom. During work and class, I could hardly concentrate or think straight. If I was not working or in class, I was in bed asleep or staring at a wall. I felt like a failure, and honestly felt like giving up nursing. I did not want to keep doing this emotional wreck of a major, especially when I was met with failure after busting my ass studying.

The night that grades were supposed to be in, three days later, I went to the movies with my boyfriend and his roommates. I finally let loose and tried to enjoy this time, because I knew I would break down again when I got my grades. Once we got out of the movie, I received texts from my nursing friends saying that grades were in. I was absolutely terrified. I did not want to cry in front of everyone, so I waited patiently to get back to my dorm. The ten minute trip back to campus felt like twenty, and I could not wait any longer. I logged on to look at my grades as everyone got out of the car...

And cried tears of joy. Never in a million years would I have been excited for a 68% on an exam, but I was so happy that it was not what I expected. I knew that, although it would be hard, a 68% would be much easier to work with than a 30%. After I received the grade, I was filled with newfound motivation to study and kick these exams out of the park.

After changing my study style, going to every study session available, and reading 100% of the readings, I still did not bring my test average up to passing until after the third exam (and even then I was passing by 1%!). But, I finished strong and brought it up to a 79.5% in the end. My breaking point was horrible, but it led to so much motivation and passion to keep moving forward. Everyone will get their breaking point in nursing school, but do not let it get you down! Use it as a way to keep your fire going!

-----

Failure is a measure of success. Success is more valuable when you get knocked down, but keep on trying for your goal. If you are struggling with a goal in life right now, please do not give up. You can do this. Like, comment, or share. Tell me what you think of this story. Have a happy new year! 💜

My First Exam (And How I Almost Failed It!)

First of all, I want to give a little shout out to my wonderful Cohort. We may not have chosen each other, but I believe we were chosen for each other. Each and every one of these wonderful ladies and gentlemen have been a shoulder to lean on, cry on, and review on. I do not believe that I would have made it this first half of the semester without their kind, helpful, and compassionate hearts.

Thank you, guys!

Now, let me tell you about my *wonderful* (*cough*sarcasm*cough*) experience with my first ever nursing exam. I had studied for the Health Assessment exam for around a week. I was as prepared as prepared could be! I was going in confident that I would pass this with flying colors! The day before the exam, I packed up my bags, made lunch, and laid out my scrubs. For those who do not know, I am a commuter student this year. I live about 45 minutes away without traffic. It actually tends to take me about an hour to get to school on Wednesday mornings due to rush hour. I wanted to get to school at 7:30 AM, because my class started at 8 AM. That way I would have plenty of time to relax, orient myself, and study a bit. I left at 6:30 AM. A whole hour and a half before my class!!! I even checked Google Maps to see how traffic was. It said “Estimated time of arrival: 7:28 AM.” Yes! Perfect, right?

No.

I turned off my data and threw my phone on the passenger seat, and was on my way. I was so deep in thought, reciting the acronym "ADOPIE" in my head over and over again. I did not notice my surroundings until I was three exits away on the freeway and at a complete standstill. After ten minutes of sitting in the same spot, I grabbed my phone and looked at Google Maps. The robotic voice blurted out, "Traffic is worse than usual." No, duh! "Crash ahead. Estimated time of arrival: 8:30 AM."

WHAT?!?!

I left an hour and a half early, but I was still due to arrive thirty minutes after the exam started?! In a panic, I text my Cohort letting them know the situation. They were all very supportive, telling me to just focus on driving and that it would be okay no matter what. Suddenly, I became the Fast and Furious. I put the car in reverse to get as close to the car behind me as possible, and then squeezed in front of the car in the lane next to mine. Sorry. I cut probably five people off in my journey to get to the nearest exit. Once on the street, I drove what felt like 30 mph over the speed limit, diving in and out of each lane to get past those going to slow for me. I was finally four blocks away, ten minutes before the test began. That was when I heard the blaring of a horn that made my heart drop. In front of me, the railroad crossing lights were flashing and a long train began to come through. I was really tempted to just punch the gas and go through it. All I could think to myself was: This cannot be happening!

Luckily, the train stopped four cars in and then began to back up. The railroad crossing arms lifted and then we were allowed to cross. I had six minutes until the test started. Unfortunately, my designated parking lot was on the opposite side of campus from the building my classroom was located in. That was a fifteen minute walk in itself. So, I decided to risk it and ask if I could park in the guest parking lot, which was right next to the building I needed to be in. When I pulled up to the security guard, I was already bawling my eyes out. "Can I please park here?" I asked, "I promise it is a one time thing. I am late for my first exam!"

At GCU, it is hit and miss with the security guards. Some are very nice, but others are straight up rude. "No." I was taken aback. "I'm sorry, but I cannot give you a parking pass. You can risk parking there and getting a ticket, but I am not in charge of parking passes."

"Fine." I growled and sped in to the parking lot. I had to go to the third floor, because it was a huge tour day. I grabbed my pencil and paper, ditching my backpack, which turned out to be a huge mistake (I will get to that soon). Then, I bolted down the three flights of stairs. As I was passing the security guard station, I noticed the same security guard I talked to handing out parking passes like candy. I rolled my eyes, but was too busy getting in the zone to get upset. Three minutes until the test.

My heart was pounding. I noticed three girls staring me down as I ran past them with purples scrubs and a red-streaked face. I made it into the large, middle courtyard space of the horseshoe-shaped building. I ran straight through the grass, not caring about the yellow tape around it or the fact that I was staining my brand new, white shoes. Two minutes. I finally made it to the base of the stairs.... My classroom was on the fourth floor... One set of stairs, turn, second set. I made it to the first floor. Three set, turn, four. Second floor. My lungs were burning. Five set, turn, Six. I bumped in to somebody on the turn to the next set of stairs. "Sorry," I wheezed. My vision was going a bit blurry. Seven, turn, eight. I was finally there. I wanted to pull a Rocky and throw my arms up in celebration, but I soon remembered that I was on a mission. I checked my watch, one minute until the test. I busted through the doors to the hallway. Thank God my class was the first door on the left. I not-so-gracefully plunged through the door. All eyes turned to me and it took everything in me to not scream, "I made it!". I grabbed my pencil out of my scrub pocket and scribbled my name on the sign-in sheet. Then, collapsed into the first chair I saw. I was hyperventilating with my head between my legs. I peeked around at my worried classmates. I was seeing double, and they were glowing. I could see them asking if I was alright, but all I heard was a ringing in my ears. I have asthma, and, unfortunately, I left my inhaler in my backpack when I bolted over to the classroom.

Luckily, my professor wanted to do a review session before taking the test. I got myself to calm down after about twenty minutes of deep breathing. Somehow, I ended up getting a 92% on the exam, which was so worth the running (I hate running).

After I was done with the exam, I laughed about the whole thing. "The things I do for nursing school," I whispered to myself.

---

So there you have it. That was my stressful morning: thinking I was going to get a 0% on my first ever nursing school exam. I thought I was going to probably fail school all because of the traffic. It was honestly a miracle from God that I made it exactly on time. Sorry for not posting for a while. It has been a crazy past couple of weeks. Comments, questions, or suggestions? Let me know in the comments! 💜